"You're beautiful when you cry but crying changes nothing."
Words she needed to hear but from another one.
No one will ever measure up, no one will ever compare.
The funeral for her heart was more than most could bear.
Silence covered her face almost like a blushing brides veil.
Shielding her pain from the world she puts on a happy mask,
"Everything is fine" she hears herself say, meanwhile dying inside.
The feeling is so surreal- he can't really be gone,
the pain nummed by imagination praying he will come back
Laughter tends to echo as if it is no where near her ears
Smileless faces surround giving empty condolences.
The only one she desires is never to return
Out of the greyish blur there protrudes a hand
Beckoning Bidding her, come with me give me your trust
And like a fool she follows again
The funeral for her heart was more than most could bear,
Silence covered her face almost like a blushing bride's veil.
Shielding her pain from the world she puts on a happy mask.













Comments
* numbed, not nummed;
* beckoning, not becconing;
* bear, not bare
Suggestions:
* Everything is fine she hears herself say: try putting quotes around it
* The feeling is so surreal - he can't really be gone: that hyphen would tie both thoughts together nicely in the same line
*
Aside from that, it's a lovely poem. I really do like it, and I can't say that for many poems I read on DA.
The hand totally throws me off, though. Whose hand is it? You wrote the poem, so I'll be you can tell me, instead of making me ponder forever. I thought maybe it was a metaphor for a girl who falls in love, gets dumped, and rebounds, but the friends giving condolences makes it seem more like her love died.
--
God never give us more than we can handle, but I think he assumes I'm stronger than what I really am.
Boys are evil, too.
--
God never give us more than we can handle, but I think he assumes I'm stronger than what I really am.
--
"How bad you think you got it, somebody else got it worse than you"
"I dont ever wanna feel
Like I did that day
Take me to the place I love
Take me all the way"
--
- "Skating is my life, but its not the only thing in my life" Chet Thomas
~98% of teenagers do or has tried smoking pot. If you're one of the 2% - - who hasn't, copy & paste this in your signature.
- - - looks aren't everything, and money is nothing...
--
God never give us more than we can handle, but I think he assumes I'm stronger than what I really am.
--
God never give us more than we can handle, but I think he assumes I'm stronger than what I really am.
Beckoning Bidding her, come with me give me your trust
And like a fool she follows again
best stanza no question, its realy good got an excellent flow, the long sentences kind of make it drag in a realy affective way, emphasizing the pain and thought, constant obsessions etc.
very well composed and executed! nice work
--
i ask of life,
not to be part of something, but to be part for something.
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